Articles > Not so
fast... Giving Compliments
-by Luigi Di
Serio, edited by Aaron S.Bayley
told me that I give the
yet I have always disliked putting people on
pedestals unless it was absolutely genuine. The problem with
telling a female she is pretty or has a nice smile is that she has
heard it too many times before. If you say it, it makes you
unoriginal, but even worse, it makes it look like you have an
ulterior motive (which
is getting some tap dance at dawn).
Compliments are a simple and effective way to tell someone you
think they are great, special or excel in a certain arena of life.
However, compliments present an interesting and challenging
paradox. For example, my girlfriends
Most guys who are on the prowl in search of women have ruined
the sincerity of compliments, because they lack the subtle skills
to execute compliments successfully, or have over-used them and
always have a motive for stating the obvious.
So now you're probably asking yourself: Is it good to give
compliments or not? The answer is of course it is! A compliment
can be a very powerful communication tool. But compliments are
Sure, if you compliment women, they will always feel good and
make positive association with being around you, but if you
overdue it they will think you're just trying to score points
(which, of course, you are, but you don't want them to know that).
I only advise giving compliments that you truly believe to be
genuine and true, and when you are DETAILED about it. Here is an
example of a bad compliment:
"You are sooo beautiful".
"Thanks, for telling me something I already know, Captain
Obvious", is no doubt what she would be thinking, upon
hearing that pathetic dribble. A better way to say this would be:
"I bet 90% of the people you've met have told you that you
have a wonderful smile".
And an even BETTER compliment would be:
"I bet everyone tells you that you have a wonderful smile,
and I would tell you as well, if you didn't already know that it
is one of the characteristics that defines you".
See, the two latter examples, which are more detailed, are
compliments in disguise that will infiltrate directly to her
sub-conscious mind. Do it!
Mind you they are still a compliment about
looks, which can be superficial. If a woman is very attractive, try to
compliment on something other than how she looks, maybe say "I can't
put my finger on it, but there is something familiar about your voice. It is
unique sounding... quite soothing actually!" Another important thing is
to compliment them on things they do, if they are just sitting around
looking pretty, then why compliment them? They didn't make themselves
pretty, God did, and in some cases a really skilled surgeon did. Either way,
they don't deserve the credit.
The trick is having the ability and subtlety give a unique
compliment about a certain characteristic or action that most
people would tend to overlook. Never tell a woman how beautiful
she is. Everyone has said that to her. Learn from his mistakes and
tell her how talented or intelligent she is. Chances are she has
rarely (if ever) received such a compliment, and no matter HOW
beautiful she is, she won't be able to stop smiling once she hears
Don't overuse compliments, though. That turns you into a
pathetic, overly nice, sweet wuss
bag who is seeking approval. The
general rule is that for every compliment,
is that YOU ARE THE AUTHORITY. So you compliment is like your a
judge on some idol show and your opinion is really what matters. You should use at least
two to four teases and poke fun at her insecurities (this is
crucial). Also, let the compliment sink in, or else they will be
taken for granted and desensitization will occur. When you have
mastered the technique of giving a good compliment, you will find
out that they are highly contagious. And you will start receiving
them in return, instead of a simple "Thanks".
Now, to practice your compliment-giving, everyone drop me a
line on how clever I am and how much you love my writing and tips.
Thanks! You are all so wonderful!