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Polar
Power: Do Opposites Attract (Part II)
 
It
is pretty common knowledge that opposites attract. We know that
magnets with opposite polarity attract, so the common cliché is
actually a law of nature. However, rather than boring you with
scientific evidence to prove this is true, let me cut right to
the chase: In part one of this article, I argued that opposites do
attract, and both the feminine energy and the masculine energy
are required for attraction to occur (which is mostly an
inexplicable chemistry) and for a fulfilling relationship to
ensue.
But
don’t birds of a feather flock together? And don’t people
who “have so much in common” usually have successful
relationships? Sure they do. But
this contradicts what I’ve been saying all along. Is it
similarities or differences that are the key to a perfectly
balanced union? Therein lies the important question,
a question which actually has a much more simple answer than one might
suspect.
According
to a University of Iowa study on mating issues (mating based on
similar or opposite characteristics), which studied 291
newlyweds that had participated in the Iowa Marital Assessment
Project, researchers found with very strong evidence that people
tend to marry those who are similar in attitudes, religion and
values. They also found that these were the main reasons why
people got married. However,
it is similarity in personality that appears to be more
important in having a happy marriage. The findings appear
in the February 2005 issue of the Journal
of Personality and Social Psychology, published by
the American Psychological Association (APA). The
couples were assessed on a broad range of personality
characteristics, attitudes and relationship quality indicators.
The
research suggested that, “there is no evidence that opposites
attract.” The study was fascinating and comprehensive, but
their conclusion wasn’t. The word “attraction” usually
refers to the initial feelings a person has that spark an
interest in the other.
So
in the realms of courting dating and sexuality, being opposite
and different, is fulfilling in many ways. Mystery, anticipation
and excitement, curiosity and adventure all come from
experiencing something different. Sure opposites clash, but that
is often where the sparks and the passion is created. You can
create heat without any friction (know what I mean?)
This
is where many couples that start off well go really wrong. Many
relationships are built on the foundation of sexual attraction
or simply lust. Those are fleeting feelings and certainly not
enough to make a relationship work. If people don’t want the
same things, or have different values and beliefs, the
relationship is bound for failure.
Personality
and attitude similarities are VERY important also. But these
characteristics
are often the ones that come out later, as a relationship
progresses and eventually settles. Frequently people are too
involved by the time they realize the differences and people
often “settle” while feeling unfulfilled.
Opposites
attract in dating, courting and during escalated sexual tension,
but opposites certainly clash when it comes to personality,
attitudes and values. So to have the best of both worlds, you
must establish and lay out your beliefs, values and what you
want out of life right away.
Masculine energies and feminine energies are opposites,
but do not cause harmful and destructive clashes in
relationships when they are balanced out.
Go to Polar Power: Do Opposites Attract (Part I)
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